Reflections

Did Oxford really happen? These last few days, it's almost felt like a dream. I have nothing here that anchors me to the faraway, cold-and-misty world of the UK, nothing except my photographs and souvenirs and memories. Already it's been far too easy to slip back into old routines and old pastimes. But yet, one can't experience such an experience-packed three months as I did without emerging with some reflections. "Real" life continues (if this is indeed real), and I have nothing more to report on the abroad experience, so I'd like to wrap up this blog with a few thoughts about what I got out of Oxford.

Did the experience live up to my expectations?

Yes, more than. I admit, the decision to go abroad was a somewhat complicated one, so I tried to go in with few or no expectations. It was so unlike anything I'd ever done before, and so the stepping-out-of-my-comfort-zone part of the quarter made for many experiences that knocked me over with their novelty and beauty. I learned and discovered so much (as I'll discuss later in this post), and that in itself was what I had hoped would happen. Looking back, it was really what I needed at the time. I had fallen into something of a funk at Stanford and needed to get away, needed to change my routine, needed a fresh dose of perspective. These past six months - not just Oxford, but the summer that preceded my quarter abroad - have accomplished all of those things. I doubt I've ever experienced so many new things within a comparable timeframe, and I'm hoping that my sense of optimism, bravery, and proper proportion stays with me even as I return to the Stanford grind.

Are there things I regret, areas where living abroad fell short? Anything I would change?

My biggest regret is something that I can't change: I wish I could have understood the British accents better. I wish communication hadn't been so frustrating at times. Yet this is an issue I face in my everyday life, even when I'm not in the UK, so it's hard to single it out here. If anything, I guess it keeps reinforcing the importance of resilience and a good sense of humor. Anyway, it's not like I didn't expect this obstacle, and it really wasn't any more overwhelming than I had anticipated.

A few other small regrets: I wish I'd been able to see horses more often (and hadn't abandoned my own horse for three months), I wish I hadn't missed out on those weeks in my friends' lives. The whole overseas experience, though, was more than worth it. And, as I'm finding out now that I'm home, horses and true friends are always there, even if you slip offstage for a little while. No big deal - and a bonus is that we now have more to talk about with each other!

As for England itself: totally amazing, despite the weather and sometimes questionable food. I already miss its aura of discovery.

What are the biggest things I learned?

In a word, independence. The world opened up to me, and I found myself suddenly experiencing it, rather than only reading about it (though I did do a lot of reading!). Every event, every concept in the history of the world has arisen in a specific place, time, and context, and I felt like this truth kept hitting me head-on as I traveled England and other parts of Europe. I placed myself out of my familiar context and liberated myself to go and discover different things. History and art and culture, among other aspects of the human condition, became more real to me - and, what's more, I became more real to myself. I learned that I can be and do more things than I might have expected. I am more flexible and more capable than I could have imagined, and I am up to the challenge in a range of unfamiliar situations.

I learned to have an open mind. The sheer size of the world kept impressing me, as well as the number of people in it. If one option or situation doesn't work out, there's always another. Likewise, there are always ideas and beliefs and possibilities out there that I haven't considered. Life should be a continuous learning experience. This vastness of knowledge, possibility, and experience can be intimidating (and sometimes was for me!), but at the same time people are less dissimilar than we sometimes think - which is in itself reassuring.

When there was something that I wanted to see or experience, I learned how to go for it. My time abroad was so short, what else was there to do? From the start, I realized I might never have those opportunities again, and I feel like I succeeded in making the most of the time I had. I wanted to see Stonehenge; I made it work; I saw Stonehenge. How empowering. Now, what would happen if I applied the same mindset not only to my travels, but to my "normal" life as well? Not in a selfish way, of course, but grasping the reality that the only time we have to realize our goals and dreams is now.

In that vein, I also learned about my own personal characteristics. I understood my own abilities better, and learned to come to better terms with (while still not stagnating in) my own limitations. Situations that work for other people might not work for me, and I learned how to be more okay with that, seeking the friends and opportunities that set me (and others) up for success. I learned about the types of people I best like and communicate with, while discovering that this set might not be as limited as I might once have thought. All in all, I learned how to be a better friend to myself, something that I think helps us to be better friends to other people. I learned to better appreciate and utilize my daily "alone time" with myself. In testing myself in a range of different situations, and trying on different possibilities to see how they fit, I came to a more cohesive and more contented idea of my own identity.

What are my fondest memories?

Getting off the bus and seeing Oxford for the first time. Feeling like I was whirling around and around and still not taking it all in. Ditto for Paris, especially the moment when I turned around on a street and - wham - saw the Eiffel Tower looming right there.

Ditto (again) for the first time I saw Stonehenge, Canterbury, the cliffs of Dover, and other such places. Realizing that the photographs could never, never do them justice.

The first time I played polo, out on a huge grassy field surrounded by hills and fall colors, feeling the level strides of the horse under me, even while steaming in the pouring rain.

Blenheim Palace, Castle Howard, Bath, the Soane Museum. Ah, architecture.

Visiting Cambridge on a sun-dappled day, snapping pictures and hardly believing that England could be so colorful and gorgeous.

Touring through London's royal parks and people-watching. Becoming an expert on the workings of the London underground. Also, becoming a museum junkie.

Visiting Notting Hill and other quirky London streets.

Berlin.

Attending formal hall at Corpus with some friends, buying wine as we walked in, then sitting around the lamplit table talking about books and complaining about British food.

Afternoon tea. Every day. With milk and scones. Especially fruit scones. Yum.

That sweet moment each week when my tutorial paper was actually done.

Impromptu conversations in the kitchen at the Stanford house, in which I realized just how fascinating and smart my peers are.

Getting lost in the Stanford house. Or climbing too many stairs, or walking so much that I was sore the next day.

Arriving at the library before anyone else on a Saturday morning, breathing in the wood-and-old-books smell and feeling relieved that no passersby were around to make the ancient floorboards creak.

Walking through the fog (or rain, or snow, or just plain cold) at Oxford, shivering but also hardly daring to believe that I was lucky enough to spend so much time in this place.

There are really too many to list.

What's next?

I come back from Oxford with a renewed sense of possibility, which I hope I do not lose as I return to Stanford. In being suffused with British-isms for so long, so many American-isms now seem a bit foreign or strange, and I feel like I'm looking at things more objectively, with more of a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor. I hope this objectivity stays with me as well, and reminds me (once again) that the world is much larger than this tiny little cube in which I subsist.

Now I'd like to travel more, of course, but I also better appreciate the value of home and of settling into an environment that suits me well. In the end, what I hope Oxford has given me is the worldview and the courage to go out and keep experimenting with all those possibilities, places, and forms of knowledge, so that I can truly justify that I am leading a life that suits me, but also allows me to add as much value to the surrounding world as possible.

It's hard to sum up three months in so few words, but fortunately the journey does continue. And so I wrap up this blog - here's to what life holds down the road!

Home!

It feels so good to smell like horse again. And to shovel chipful after chipful of salsa into my face. And to bask in the sun, under the huge blue sky, breathing in the smell of dust and dried grass. In other words, I'm thrilled to be home, in a place that's possibly as different from England as any place can be. Part of me will always be here, in the Southwest.

I still plan on writing out a few final reflections on the quarter at Oxford, but for now I'm content to sit and bask in the satisfaction of a long, exciting journey completed. The feeling of arriving in the adobe-style Albuquerque sunport on Friday night, after more than 18 hours of traveling, wrapped up my travels abroad in a very satisfying way, tired and jet-lagged as I felt. It was also something of a relief - I'm not the sort who likes to travel long distances alone, particularly through huge international airports (say, Heathrow) blaring with announcements that I can't understand, activity that seems about to sweep me away. But I have come full-circle, and survived, though I return feeling like a slightly different person than I was three months ago. Ah, a good dose of perspective, taken with a fresh whiff of roasted green chile. What could be better?

Berlin

Today is my last day in the UK, and I'm packing and hoping that this all somehow fits into my suitcases and is still under the weight limit... How did the quarter fly by so fast? I'm dismayed, but also so excited to be home!

But before that, a final update on my travels in Europe beckons. Early on Tuesday morning, three friends and I headed to Berlin for thirty-six whirlwind, snow-filled hours of walking, sightseeing, shivering, and shopping. It was amazing how much we were able to pack into one trip, although a lot of that came at the expense of sleep. (At least, as my sister said, being sleep-deprived might help me catch some shuteye on the long flight home tomorrow!) Because both sides of my family hail from Germany way back, I was especially interested in experiencing what this unfamiliar country had to offer.

I found a Berlin that was magically covered in snow, brimming with Christmas markets on seemingly every block, where vendors sold everything from Christmas trinkets to fine artwork and clothes to amazing German meats, breads, and sweets. I realized that much of the homecooked food I grew up enjoying (besides green chile) is at least vaguely German: hearty stews, sausages, mixed vegetables, cobblers and candied sweets. We visited at least four or five Christmas markets over the two days, and I admittedly ate my way through most of them, from trying the different foods on sale to taking the many free samples. With the lights, snow, and cozy little huts, they cut a perfect Christmas picture.

In between market-browsing, the four of us toured some of the historic parts of the city, including the Brandenburg Gate and Reichstag. We also visited the recently completed Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, a sweeping field full of cement blocks of various heights, arranged in straight rows over undulating hills. This is a monument that must be physically experienced, and walking through it left me choked up. Our escapades on the first day also included Checkpoint Charlie, the former security gate through which officials passed from West to East Germany, and the western portion of the Berlin Wall itself. On the second day, we came face-to-face with the wall in a different way, as we visited the East Wall Gallery on the outskirts of central Berlin. This preserved sweep of the wall, which is now covered with modern murals and memorials advocating peace and understanding, was a testament to how such a hated symbol can turn into a sign of hope, at the same time as it warns us against similar atrocities in the future.

And, really, I felt like much of Berlin was like that. Parts of the city still felt grim and graffiti-covered, and I kept having chilling visualizations of what it must have felt like in the WWII and Cold War days. But it's also a city that's succeeding in rebuilding itself, and many of the stretches of modern street felt brisk and charming. Much of the architecture that remains from the 18th and 19th centuries (or has been restored) is quite impressive, from towers to cathdrals to museums and universities. The Pergamon Museum in particular was stunning, with real Greek, Roman, Babylonian, Assyrian, and Islamic building ruins reconstructed inside huge halls and chambers. After a quarter of thinking about architecture in more technical terms, I was in awe.

With the cold weather, snow, and ice, I was happy to get back to England (which feels warm by comparison!), but also wished I could have stayed in Germany longer. That's for the next trip, I suppose...

Windsor Castle

To continue my stalking of the English royal family... Windsor Castle!

This is one of the locations I've long wanted to see in the UK, but with being busy and having already seen enough castles and grand buildings and palaces I wasn't sure I would make it out. But after doing an architecture final presentation on modern and revamped castles, I knew I had to go. Windsor did not disappoint me, even in the cold foggy weather that greeted me off the train station in the morning. I was among the first visitors admitted to the castle when the gates opened, and spent around two and a half hours exploring its walls and touring the state rooms. Windsor Castle has been a royal residence for over 900 years, and still serves as one of the homes for Queen Elizabeth II. It started as a medieval castle, and despite being greatly expanded in the 19th century (called "inspired propaganda" by some, when George IV used it to advocate a national idea of quintessential Englishness) it still has several rooms that were originally designed and furnished by earlier monarchs like Charles I and Henry VIII. Those two are buried in its chapel, along with Jane (Henry's favorite wife and one he actually didn't behead) and George VI. The state rooms were stunning, in a very Gothically-inspired way, with many jewels, paintings, and war armor/swords/guns on display - a bit too militarily gung-ho for me, but what else would you expect from a stone fortress? I find myself a bigger fan of the classical ornamentation of Buckingham palace. Windsor, however, was more historically fascinating than even Buckingham.

Feeling a bit suffused with English royals, I spent the afternoon wandering around the city and grounds, including the great park and long walk - which, true to its name, is indeed a very, very, very long pathway stretching out across the grassy plain towards a distant hill capped with a huge statue of George IV. Probably at least four miles roundtrip. My feet were aching. It was well worth it, though, for once I finally reached the end the view was absolutely unbelievable, English landscape stretching out all around and Windsor looming in the distance. (I'm sure it was romantically planned this way: arrive at the grand monument after a long pilgrimmage and have your breath taken away by the castellar silhouette on the horizon. Ideals of Englishness, indeed.)

All of this left me thinking of how strange it would feel to be born into the royal line, to live this sort of artificial existence in the public eye, virtually being a national symbol...

Take It From Elizabeth

"What are men to rocks and mountains? Oh! what hours of transport we shall spend! And when we do return, it shall not be like other travellers, without being able to give one accurate idea of any thing. We will know where we have gone - we will recollect what we have seen. Lakes, mountains, and rivers, shall not be jumbled together in our imaginations; nor, when we attempt to describe any particular scene, will we begin quarreling about is relative situation. Let our first effusions be less insupportable than those of the generality of travellers."

- Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice

Holed up in the library, grinding out my tutorial paper for the week, this seemed a particularly admirable way of expressing the vividness I'd like to achieve in my own travels. Even if I am spending rather too much time with Miss Bennet and Mr. Darcy as of today.

Tale of Two Cities

Europe: week one. The Oxford term hasn't started yet, so I've kicked off my travels via a whirlwind foray through London and Paris. This is the first time I've had access to free wireless internet in a week, but part of me has enjoyed the disconnect. It's made me feel free, rambling, untethered to the routine obligations of life in the U.S. But then again, that could also be an effect of the sights I've seen. This week has been a compressed tale of two cities, both very different but very enjoyable.

Here's a compressed comparison of the two.

Sightseeing

London and Paris, while both swarming with tourists, are very different in the layouts of their monuments and must-see destinations. Our first night in Paris, we took a boat ride down the Seine, which provided a stunning view and introduction to the city. Eiffel Tower, Invalides, Louvre, National Assembly, cathedral of Nortre Dame, all in a row! A bit mind-blowing. We spent our days exploring these districts, mostly on foot (I quickly became sore from walking), never quite dispelling the illusion of timelessness and refinement. I see why Paris is often considered the most beautiful city in the world!

London, on the other hand, is more of an odd mix. The area around Buckingham Palace, which we visited on Friday, was more of what I'd pictured the city might look like, with fortresslike stone slab buildings clustered around such spectacular sights as Westminster Abbey, Parliament, and Big Ben. But the rest of the city revealed interesting layers of time, space, and culture. A stone fortress from 1200 on one block, a soaring modern glass tower right beside it. A jarring mismatch, something like a time capsule. Paired with more crowds and bustle, exacerbated by the way Brits really do drive on the wrong side of the road! But destinations like Buckingham Palace (where we got to tour the state rooms) had a jaw-dropping elegance that almost surpassed anything we'd seen in Paris.

Parks

Coming from the desert, all I have to say is wow. We visited the Luxembourg gardens on a perfect sunny day and sat around the fountain basking in the sun, then strolled the manicured lawns swarming with joggers and bench-loungers. I must say Europeans better know how to enjoy their leisure than Americans. In Paris many couples sat on the banks of the Seine, and grass-lawn picnics seemed a popular activity, especially beside the Eiffel Tower. In London, too, the parks were spectacular - none more than the St. James's park, where beautiful birds dotted the water and over-inquisitive squirrels tried to climb up our pants legs. What greenness, what color!

Food

In the eating department, Paris wins out - no surprise, since I received many precautions about British food before embarking on this trip. What a wonderful variety of breads, wines, and cheeses! The crepes, even from street vendors, were quite good. And don't get me started on the chocolates and pastries...

British food, on the whole, is rather bland, but in a hearty, stick-to-your-ribs sort of way, reminding me of old Dickens novels where orphans line up in the cold for their morning helping of porridge. I've had porridge since I've been here, as well as the standard English fare of fish and chips and roast and potatoes. All fine for a hungry tourist, but not as good as the Lebanese cuisine we tried our second night in London.

Still, not all British food is completely awful. I've had a few good muffins and scones since arriving here, and the chocolate tart and hot chocolate we enjoyed at Buckingham Palace were wonderful, not to mention adorable.

Museums

Tough call, but I enjoyed the London and Paris museums about equally. Paris, of course, has the Louvre, which was stunning in architecture but did have me a bit tired of cherubs and Madonnas by the end. I loved the marble sculpture displays, and the later paintings (18th and 19th century) were stunning. Disappointingly, the space in front of the Mona Lisa was crammed, bustling, and not at all suited for real artistic reflection - too many tourists! But as fun as it was to see the Louvre, perhaps more enjoyable was the Musee d'Orsay, with its collection of more modern, realist, and impressionistic art. Van Gogh's self-portrait was amazing to see in person, as were the collections of work by such artists as Monet, Cezanne, and Renoir. As always, I loved the Rodin sculptures, maybe especially so because they made me think of Stanford.

In London, we visited the British Museum, which was astonishing in the breadth of its collection of artifacts. The Rosetta stone, large chunks of the Parthenon's frieze, the bronze bust of Augustus - they were all here. As well as sphinxes, ancient coins from around the world, mummies, Mayan and Incan art, Greek pottery, and so much else that I felt as if I could have spent days roaming all of the exhibits rather than mere hours. British imperialism = a good or a bad thing?

Weather

Paris had picturesque weather, around 70 and sunny, with the leaves just starting to turn and the late summer rays floating through the trees - which made it even harder to arrive in cold and rainy London on Wednesday. I went from basking in T-shirts to shivering under an umbrella in no time at all. Still, what else did I expect of England? The weather when we arrived at Oxford yesterday was warmer at least, so hopefully I'll get in a few pleasant days before real winter starts. I'm going to miss that California sun...

Culture and Communication

Europeans so far seem like friendly people (the occasional rudeness of street passersby notwithstanding), happy to help or offer directions, often not in such a rush as some Americans. Being in Paris made me wish I spoke French (or at least read it better than I do with my Latin-roots background), especially since the people we met in restaurants and on the streets were so courteous about communicating with tourists who obviously did not speak their language. Without fuss or disdain, they made themselves understood. Americans aren't always so accepting.

As for British accents, it's hard but I'm trying. The Brits so far have been extra polite when they see that I'm struggling, which is gratifying. I was pleased to see that many of the venues we visited in London openly advertised their British Sign Language interpreting services - not something you often find in America! (Now if only I understood BSL...)

Cars

Okay, so European cars deserve a final comment. I was infatuated with all the Mini Coopers and other similarly tiny cars in Paris (and the motorcycles! and trimly dressed professor types on bicycles!), but London is equally quirky with all its double-decker buses and 1940s-period taxi cabs. I'm even getting used to looking on the right sides of the road when crossing the street!

Bon Voyage!

Hello friends! I've started this blog to be, literally, an internet log of my travels overseas during the coming three months. Seeing as I will be in Europe in less than three days, it's safe to say that I'm diving right in!

So who am I, and where am I going? I am an junior at Stanford, majoring in English and human biology, who is about to spend ten weeks at Oxford University as part of Stanford's Bing Overseas Studies Program. Going to Oxford has been a goal of mine since my senior year of high school, before I even applied to Stanford. As such, I am beyond eager for the opportunity to study at such a prominent and historic university, to see parts of the world I've never seen before, and to gain fresh perspectives along the way - perspectives that I hope will stay with me far beyond my return to Stanford. I've heard a lot about Oxford from a collection of friends and friends-of-friends (and other interesting connections), and I'm excited to be an inhabitant there for a while, visiting such places as High Street and the covered market, the Bodelian library and the various colleges. Finally, like any true English-lit nerd, I'm a bit giddy to be studying the written works I admire right in the heart of England!

At this point, it's also worthwhile to mention my apprehensions about going overseas, if only briefly. I am nervous about: 1) how I will handle living in a foreign country (and traveling abroad) for the first time; 2) the intensity of the Oxford classes, especially the tutorial, and my ability to balance schoolwork with sightseeing; 3) meeting unfamiliar people; and 4) understanding British accents! Since I am deaf, the latter is probably my biggest concern, as is the entire dilemma of communication. Fortunately, the Stanford overseas program was able to arrange for an American Sign Language interpreter in Oxford, though many friends will remember what a nightmare that process was! (I won't go into it here.) Overall, though, I'm much more excited than nervous, and I've realized that many of my fears are fears I will need to face anyway. For instance, communication is probably not much easier at Stanford than it will be at Oxford. I'm determined not to let fear of the unknown hold me back - especially when the entire experience will be so worth it!

My belongings are accumulating, my room is a mess as I pack (I'm going to try to jam three months' worth of stuff into one suitcase), and I keep darting off to finish last-minute errands before departing in two days. And then - bon voyage! I know that's not British, but still appropriate seeing as our first travel stop is Paris!

Until then!